To those of you who noticed I had not posted, thank you for letting me know. It is a shock to me. This blog represents the first time I have allowed my personal writing out of the box... out of a classroom... into the big marvelous, messy mish-mash that is the Web.
It is taking a while to sink in that people like my writing and are moved. This is my training ground for a memoir. I have been warned and supported in being careful of what I put here, but, by the same token, one sends a memoir into the world.
My back's been a mess and my regular work has suffered. When you write for someplace like Stanford, you cannot write in short bursts as I can for my blog. The entries take time and love and attention, but my work requires that I sit too long sometimes. Doesn't sound bad, I suppose, but I have had eight spinal operations. At 57, now, it has taken a toll. I've had to face some tough decisions over the last two weeks, so I've been away from the writing I love so much.
You nine who follow me regularly, and others who visit from time to time? For the first time, I am thinking that perhaps, if I wrote a memoir there are those who would want to read it, who might connect with what I say and how I say it. All of you have given me some confidence there.
I will write about what's gone on, but not today. I write from a position of objectivity, ironically enough. Only when I have processed the event can I feel free enough to attach the force of my emotions to it.
So. I'm in a state of flux, wondering whether I take the risk to focus on the work I want--my poetry and memoirs, and fiction and painting. Or do I keep pounding my head against the wall because it's what my MOM and the RELATIVES would say is wise. How do I find work to replace it?
It is not easy to admit limitations. I've fought doing that now for thirty years; it's why I walk. What I had to remembered is that I have ALSO stayed walking because I do recognize when the word "enough" is the right word. When it is pounding my head against a wall. And it is always better to walk away from something before it's blown out of the ater and taken out of our hands, don't you agree?
Anyway, thank you for letting me know that you look forward to my words. It means so much more than you know.
Today is my daughter, Jessie's birthday. She would have been 38. I am missing her today--that's the age I was when we bought this home, this last place my daughter lived. I'll be back.
Accidental Spring
"Accidental Spring" This began as the background for painting other papers, but became something else!
7 comments:
So sorry to here you were not well and struggled this week. I hope you are on the mend and will have time to write soon. If not we'll be here ready to read your posts when you can. I for one would read a book you wrote.
Carl
Glad you are feeling better. I can relate to a "bad back". Join the club! Thank you so much for your comments on my blog. I probably should "hold back" more, but that just is not my style. I put great value on the truth, and from early on, believed, "the truth will set you free". I greatly appreciate your input and or advice. I do plan on putting all about Dad into a book (some where on the blog I thought I saw somewhere about publishing it into a book...I just now wondered how I can save all my writing? Do you know? Take it easy and hope you are all better soon.
Thanks, Donna. I've had nine spinal surgeries and it has caught up with me at this time of life. I'll learn how to deal with this next permutation. Spent twenty-five years beating the odds with this thing, and I will again. I love it that you don't hold back!
Thank you, Carl. I'm working on an entry. A little different... but, then, I suppose the pluot entry was just a bit... off? FUN. But I really do love writing this blog, and visiting the many unbelievable writers and artists on Blogspot.
I am sure anything you write would be interesting. It is fun to write (or paint) something different once in a while. It keeps us fresh. I am a manic depresive blogger. I'll do four posts on a weekend and then nothing all week. Which is much more balanced than I was. I would take a few weeks off at a time. That is quick way to lose readers. I try to post four or five times a week... that just works for me.
CS
I can't imagine even one spinal surgery, much less eight or nine. My goodness, it's a wonder you get as much done as you do. I still have not pieced together your "whole story," but what I do know is that your "voice" - your thoughtfulness and wisdom - is very strong and always shines through, whether you are posting here or elsewhere. Happy belated to Jess, in spirit.
Jeannette, you are one of my heroes. I just cannot fathom what you must go through each day, and still write the way you do. I will be in line waiting with Carl to buy your book.
Now I read you have lost your daughter too? I just cannot imagine..I just cannot express how much I respect and admire you. Keep on, keeping on my friend!
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