Sewers being hooked up, packing like a crazy woman

I will be offline for a couple of weeks as I try to figure out what is the best way to come back ONline in my new home. The noise around my house is horrible today, as they dig up fully two sides of my yard to remove our septic tanks after they finish installing the enormous grinder pump and hook both sides of the house up. Backing trucks, heavy equipment. PLUS my   neighbor across the street is having tree removal done today.

SO, I am busy packing. I shredded 300 pages yesterday for recycling! Amazing the unnecessary paper I had. I didn't finish, but I am sorting at least.

I am moving Monday and Tuesday. The closing is Thursday. My son moves Thursday and Friday. I started taking notes about this process, this letting go of 21 years here. The good memories I will hang onto, but there are many, many losses incurred while I was here: my nephew, my siblings, my daughter, my husband, the love of my life... and my health.  Still, it was here in this house that I found my writing voice and my painter's vision. Here, that my sister and I found our true friendship on equal footing.  Here, where I DID manage to unite ALL branches of my children's family at the holidays, so they could know that feeling of being surrounded by the people who loved them. Here, that I confronted the worst demons of my childhood and killed them.  Here, where I found my own spiritual path.  Here where I dared to dream again.

There is so much good to take with me, as I leave my garden for others to tend. I will not return to check on that.  Did I tell you all that my home will be a group home for early adolescents who were abused as children and were abandoned by or taken from their parents? There is an organization here that has handled orphans in the system for decades, and when I applied for work there a few years ago, told me their dream was to start group homes for the kids who had no foster parents, but who did not belong in the high security facility on the organization's campus. My home, ironically, will be their first!

The group had been ready to offer on another home, but the woman who toured her saw my front yard and said, "It's a meditation garden, here." And she took one step into Jay's living room and saw out to the woods in back and said, "This is the place."

My neighbors will flip out. They thought my having four cars leaving here at once no more than twice a day, three days a week, would be risking their children's lives. They said that this house was used in ways counter to the spirit of the neighborhood. Oh, to be a fly on the wall when they realize this is a group home. It is against the law here for anyone to block such residents, thank GOD. My own brother was instrumental in fighting for that to be so.

As one of my best friends said, "Maybe they will learn something and realize that the coming and going of a few cars detracts from nothing. And maybe they will learn compassion."

One can only hope so.  But I tell you, nothing would make my sister happier than to know our home will be a healing place for kids who've endured a kind of hell we endured... and far more. I was not abandoned and neither was she. And we did know that our mother loved us, but was ill. And our brother left home at eighteen and never lived there again. So I had many blessings of people who loved me early enough.

My home will be their refuge. How wonderful is that?

I will be starting over, yet another life in my life to enjoy, to learn from, to grow in. I have a lot to learn about how to work around my poor spine, but I can and I will.  And the next two weeks will be exhausting--debilitating temporarily. Then I can begin yet again in an environment that is less stressful and where I can focus on my future without the distractions of owning too large a home.

It is an exciting time, yet a time that is full of mixed emotions. That's okay. I mean, really, what would I be without my emotions kicking into hyper-drive? Oh. Rational. I might be rational and centered. What the hell would I do with myself THEN?

I hope you are all doing pretty well. And if you aren't or if you've had a major life change, feel free to leave me a message here or email me to check out your blog before I move, okay? I've not given myself the time to have a good read, so I am out of touch.

May the coming weeks, however, hold peace and joy for all of you who visit my sporadic blog!