Glitch in the Road Here

Hi all. I miss being in here but I've had a bit of a glitch in the health. I have a serious problem with my left leg, for a change of pace from the right. We DID find out it is not related to my back, but it's pretty serious, very painful, and somewhat debilitating.

Which means I am a REAL joy to be around, I can tell you!

We did have a real scare with this, however. I was ironing a shirt and felt my left toes go numb and then felt the numbness spread through the whole foot and to the ankle, and then a searing, throbbing, deep pain came. I could not bear weight on my left leg. I was terrified. I saw the doctor two hours later and, while in the office, my knee reflex deadened. My back above the fusion was also swollen.

As was the responsible thing to do, my doctor HIMSELF scheduled an emergency MRI and gave me the news on the phone FROM HIS HOME the next morning. The swelling and leg were not related, and my back has degenerated only minimally in the last three years. GREAT news. However, we were still left with a leg that goes numb and a foot that I cannot move within five or ten minutes of standing, followed by excruciating pain that lasts for hours.

But I have a test tomorrow which we hope will give us answers. I call it the "dead frog" test. Others call it an EMG. All it reminds me of is that old-fashioned bio lab where you zapped a frog leg with electricity and it would jump. Hence the name.

I know. I am gross. Such is life. And, as I said, I'm a little bit, ummm, cranky.

I have written two little pieces for my women's spiritual singing circle. I wrote them as a learning process on Garage Band, and I wanted something both minor and up tempo, something that made ME feel strong at a time when I'm kinda NOT feeling strong at all. So my second song has four tracks--all me. I was going to load the four track piece, but...

WPhooey. I do not know how to insert an MP3 file into my blog from my home computer. I would have thought it would be easy. Apparently not. If it were a video I could. Oh, well. If someone can tell me how to do that I will upload it eventually.

Mostly, however, I am simply sending my request for good thoughts... that tomorrow will yield a diagnosis of a problem that is fixable. This particular one is interfering with my ability to do much of anything for very long. The last couple of weeks have been about marking time mostly. I keep telling myself, however, IT IS NOT MY BACK.

Okay. This is about my limit for sitting.

As always, I'll be back. And thanks to any of you who keep checking back.

I was WRONG

It IS my back. And it is not fixable. The results of traumas to the disks in the lumbar spine. Muscle weakness and neuropathy, close to what happened long ago in my right leg. I will learn how to live with it, predict and understand its patterns. Do what I must.

But for now? For now, though I DO know the up sides: it won't kill me, is not likely to get worse unless the spinal situation deteriorates, I know how to compensate and strengthen OTHER muscles, and other things like that. It is not dangerous per se, not once I analyze and track what happens when. And the pain is not an indicator of something worsening; it is neuropathy and that is all.

All? I am not quite that philosophical inside...

For now I am upset. And I am frustrated. And I am fed up. And I will take a couple of days and deal emotionally with the fact that there is new pain to learn to live with and NEW physical situations to overcome. And I am sick of it. There is no one to blame and I really hate that!

Oh! Wait! I can blame my mother! She won't mind...

There. No more whining tonight. It is my way to let myself be as angry and upset as I choose for about three days, so I do not bottle it up. Then I can let go of that and get down to doing what I need to do.

Instead of writing the "sh" word, or the "F" word, I'll say Phooey.